An Open Letter to the Drunken Douchebag Who Pissed On My Car
Dear Drunken Fool,
First and foremost, I’d like to openly apologize for interrupting you whilst peeing on my car on this bright Canadian afternoon. I didn’t realize that you weren’t done when I started yelling at you with profanities and ask what the hell you were doing. In retrospect, I should have stated myself more clearly when I confronted you. It was not your action that caused my reaction; it was the WHERE that caught me by surprise. You were relieving yourself on my beloved vehicle!
You were clearly inebriated and in a rush to discharge that ample amounts of liquid you were carrying. I can only ask that the next time you feel the need to satisfy yourself, please kindly take three steps forward towards the bush in front of you. I, in turn, will try and keep the surrounding area peaceful and tranquil. Heaven forbids that you should suffer from kidney stone or any kind of UTI.
I’d also like to point out that I do understand a little something about you. A person who performs such questionable action in broad daylight without any hesitation must have done the very action previously. You are clearly experienced; a seasoned pro, at being inconspicuous until today. Kudos on your past achievements!
That’s all I have to say. Again, my apologies for the interruption and may your noodle stick to the next metal object you decide to defile.
Sincerely pissed (no pun intended),
Rommel
